New Year…New Musings

New Year…new years resolutions. Can anything be anymore more cliché? I'm shaking my head in disbelief that it's been over 2yrs since my last post. I don't even know where to start with filling in the past 2yrs so I'll give a quick recap. 

• Girlies are now 4yrs & 6yrs old
• My oldest girly was diagnosed with high-functionion autism in May 2012. (That journey alone should have it's own dedicated blog).
• I became a grad student at Trinity Western University and I'm working on my MA in Leadership in the Business stream. I'm set to finish up this summer and will walk the stage in November. (There's another dedicated blog possibility that I'll put in the maybe category).
• I was promoted to Director of Communications at work
• Big Bit's is into sports and currently playing basketball
• Lil' Bits is a flyer on an All-Star cheerleading Tiny Team with other 4-5yr olds (Yes, I can now add "cheer mom" to my resume).

I wish I could say regular postings are part of my resolution but let's face it, we can all see my track record. However writing is a great outlet for me and I'm looking forward to writing something non-academic that isn't cited in APA6.

This year I have a few things to cross off my bucket list but they aren’t part of the the proverbial loose weight, go back to the gym, or attempt the 365 photo challenge (but maybe next year!). This year I'm graduating!!!! I’m 3 courses and 1 capstone project away from my goal, and the end is in sight.

It’s been an intense 18 months and I owe my family and friends big time for putting up with my crazy schedules, stress attacks & mood swings, constant late nights, anti-social behaviour; and I especially owe my husband and girlies big time for leaving them for 4 weeks in July 2012 and again in July 2013 so I could fly across the country to work on core courses for my program. It hasn’t been easy and my hubby has been my biggest cheerleader. I couldn’t have done any of this without his love, support and constant encouragement.

With that said, that’s not to say that weight loss and getting healthy isn’t a good thing. I’d love to lose weight and let's face it, have a bit of a makeover, but you know what? I’m happy with me, and who I am. I’ve spent so many years struggling with my weight and the baggage that comes with it and it's taken me almost 37yrs to realize this. 

I’ve struggled with feeling insecure and inadequate, and I’m tired of that feeling coming from a few numbers on the scale and my clothing size. My self-worth isn’t defined by my size; it’s defined by what I choose to do each day when I wake up and the decisions that I make. It’s defined by my actions, but more importantly, it comes from within and from my identity and who I am.

I want more than that…I need more than that, and I desire more for my daughters! I don’t ever want them to feel the pain and frustration that comes with feeling inferior because of body image issues.

So this year, I’m working on building self-confidence in myself and my daughters, and showing them just how smart, creative, caring, compassionate, and beautiful they are inside and out. I want them to see the potential in people and not their limitations. I want them to be the best versions of them and realize that true happiness and contentment comes from within.

So, for 2014 I make the following promises to myself:

• To not take myself so seriously (or as my cohort chants…Rule #6!). 
• I will continue to try new things with enthusiasm and passion. 
• If I fail at said new things, I want to do it with grace and humility. 
• I will strive for excellence and not perfection. 
• I will learn to be comfortable in my skin. 
• I will work hard to not pass on my body issues to my daughters. 
• I will look at people for who they are and look past appearances and first impressions. 
• I will recognize injustice and fight for what’s right. 
• I will accomplish my biggest goal in November 2014 and show my daughters they are never too old to do so.
• Oh ya, I'll get back to blogging.

So here’s to 2014 and all that it brings, or as Lil' Bits says…Bring it on!

So this is a blog!?!

Take 2. Let's try this again. Sure I enjoy writing, but sometimes I wonder who really wants to read what's going on with lil' ol' moi? I've been active for over 2 years on a Message Board that's become my home away from home, and made some great online friends, but a blog is so different from a board. Almost more daunting.

I'm not quite sure what the flavour this blog will take on. So much is going through my head these days, and so much has happened in the past 2 years. I guess it'll be a work in process and we shall see where it leads.

A bit about me...

I'm 30 and the wife to a great guy. We're celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary in May 2008, and we just welcomed our 1st baby this past September (on Labour Day of all days!). I used to do Corporate Event Planning, and these days I find myself thrilled with the thought heading to the grocery store for some "me" time, and consider it a good day if both Makenna & I are dressed, clean, have eaten and appear content.

Becoming a SAHM has been an adjustment to say the least, and isn't a job for the weak or faint of heart. I'm only 3 months into the position and already I find myself questioning what the heck I'm doing. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my daughter, and the fact that we have managed to keep me at home to be with Miss M is a huge blessing in disguise, but at the same time I find my identity has tried to take on a life of it's own. I'm fighting to exist as beyond my roles and instead struggle to not be known only as Miss M's mama and married to that guy!

My self worth isn't defined by my roles. I am still me, but with a new role. It's the constant struggle and battle that will keep me motivated to think outside the box and test the traditional realms of Motherhood. It was a huge journey and battle just to get to this place (which I'm sure I'll share later on). Until then, I just swimming.