Lessons Learned from a Busy Mom

I don’t profess to have this parenting thing down, nor that I’m excellent at it. I see those women on the various online forums and Pinterest boards that make Martha Stuart look like she’s slacking. I sit back and wonder how do they do it, or perhaps…who did they pay? Heck, I’m doing my happy dance if we can sit at the dinner table as a family most nights with something hot on our plates that resembles food.

Yes, I realize that working full-time, having 2 younger girlies (Big Bits & Lil’ Bits), being a grad student, plus having both girlies in extra-curricular activities, and Big Bit’s in therapy (it rotates between speech, ABA, and early literacy groups) are grounds for some people to think I need to have my head checked. On one hand I wish I knew just how busy life was going to get, but who am I kidding, I seem to think I’m made from a different cut and can handle just about anything; and probably would have ignored the advice and insight anyways.

And Yes, I’m also aware that feeling invincible is also grounds for having my head checked, but I digress…

I’ve learned a few lessons over the past 18 months and had to do my fair share of swallowing my pride. Let’s face it, life lately is a giant juggling act and there are many balls up in the air; sometimes you catch them and other days you don’t. Sadly, some of the balls I’ve dropped are doozies!

There may have been a few instances where I forgot to pick Lil’ Bits up from preschool, and in my defense I drop the girls off and somebody else picks them up…so it’s not even part of regular routine. Ah yes, routine…every busy mom’s best friend. I thrive on routine during the insanity. It’s like a warm, fuzzy blanket and I’m completely lost when it’s missing. When I was asked if I signed up to bring a snack for the preschool graduation last spring I just about fell over from laughing so hard. I could barely remember to pick my kid up from preschool and they wanted me to remember to bring juice boxes?!? There was no need to even tease about tempting fate!

I’ve sent the girls to school in the wrong clothes. One day, poor Lil’ Bits wore her sister’s jeans that were 2 sizes too big and rolled up so much she looked like the incredible shrinking girl!

Then there was this morning. I think my Facebook status says it all:

Having one of those mornings. You know the kind where you rush around like a crazy woman spurting things from your mouth that sound like a tiny version of your mother is living inside you! Attempting to make lunches because you forgot to do it the night before, but you feel like a short-order cook because each girl likes something different, and then play the game of "herd the lizards" as the girls get their winter gear on. To then run to the car, clean it off and get it warm, and get them buckled up to only then ask the question...Does Lil’ Bits even have school today?!?

I could go on and on about my list of shame embarrassing moments lessons learned, and ramble on about the missed play dates, forgotten permission forms, incomplete homework assignments, sending the wrong lunches to school, and eating breakfast for dinner because I didn’t get a chance to get to the grocery store (however I did discover that making waffles with nutella and bananas was delicious!).

 Don’t even get me started on the things I’ve done at work during this crazy time. All I can say is I’m truly blessed to have an employer and co-workers who are understanding, or at least pretends to sympathize out of fear for sending me over the edge!

I wish I could say I’m getting better, but most days I feel like my hamster has fallen off the wheel and is curled up in the corner of the cage rocking in the fetal position. Don’t even get me started on what possessed me to sign up Lil’ Bits for competitive All-Star Cheerleading and have Big Bit’s in basketball. We’re now out 3 nights a week at practices and 4 if you include open tumbling, and then we have traveling cheer competitions on some weekends. It’s a rat race…or a gong-show, depending on what view you have.

Yes, it’s crazy, hectic, busy, and also filled with the funniest moments you could ever imagine. If I could take one thing away from the insanity of the past 18-months it would be to not take myself so seriously, and go with the flow (or as my July 2012 cohort has termed it “Rule #6”). When I’m stuck in a rut, feeling overwhelmed or completely lost and confused about my next move I’m reminded to take a deep breath and find the humour in it all. Through all of this, I’ve learned to laugh at myself.

I’m the furthest thing from perfection and my “winning” moments in the parenting Hall of Shame can attest to that, but I’m also human and don’t have any super powers (although Big Bit’s seems to think I do and who am I to tell her otherwise). I will however throw myself the biggest party when I’m done my MA and plan to hibernate, but even then I probably won’t because I can’t sit still very well.

If I could tell myself some advice it would be to treasure each day, misfortunes and all, and enjoy the ride. See life through my girlies eyes and find the whimsy in the every day. Take each hour and day as it comes, and don’t get caught up in the future, after all, there’s a reason why the “here and now” is called the present.

In the midst of my Pinterest failures, last-minute birthday party preparations, forgetfulness, and downright embarrassing moments (let’s just say it involved mismatched clothes that were inside out and I didn’t notice until I was already at the meeting), I’m looking back and seeing the memories, and trying not to focus on what I considered the missed opportunities. I’m starting to realize that my girlies won’t know what they missed because that moment in time was filled with something just as special.

So instead, I’m making sure we have our cuddle times and silly-joke telling times. Our spontaneous dance parties and impromptu karaoke sings-offs (thanks Nana!). Life won’t always be pretty but it will always be my choice as to how I walk that journey.

New Year…New Musings

New Year…new years resolutions. Can anything be anymore more cliché? I'm shaking my head in disbelief that it's been over 2yrs since my last post. I don't even know where to start with filling in the past 2yrs so I'll give a quick recap. 

• Girlies are now 4yrs & 6yrs old
• My oldest girly was diagnosed with high-functionion autism in May 2012. (That journey alone should have it's own dedicated blog).
• I became a grad student at Trinity Western University and I'm working on my MA in Leadership in the Business stream. I'm set to finish up this summer and will walk the stage in November. (There's another dedicated blog possibility that I'll put in the maybe category).
• I was promoted to Director of Communications at work
• Big Bit's is into sports and currently playing basketball
• Lil' Bits is a flyer on an All-Star cheerleading Tiny Team with other 4-5yr olds (Yes, I can now add "cheer mom" to my resume).

I wish I could say regular postings are part of my resolution but let's face it, we can all see my track record. However writing is a great outlet for me and I'm looking forward to writing something non-academic that isn't cited in APA6.

This year I have a few things to cross off my bucket list but they aren’t part of the the proverbial loose weight, go back to the gym, or attempt the 365 photo challenge (but maybe next year!). This year I'm graduating!!!! I’m 3 courses and 1 capstone project away from my goal, and the end is in sight.

It’s been an intense 18 months and I owe my family and friends big time for putting up with my crazy schedules, stress attacks & mood swings, constant late nights, anti-social behaviour; and I especially owe my husband and girlies big time for leaving them for 4 weeks in July 2012 and again in July 2013 so I could fly across the country to work on core courses for my program. It hasn’t been easy and my hubby has been my biggest cheerleader. I couldn’t have done any of this without his love, support and constant encouragement.

With that said, that’s not to say that weight loss and getting healthy isn’t a good thing. I’d love to lose weight and let's face it, have a bit of a makeover, but you know what? I’m happy with me, and who I am. I’ve spent so many years struggling with my weight and the baggage that comes with it and it's taken me almost 37yrs to realize this. 

I’ve struggled with feeling insecure and inadequate, and I’m tired of that feeling coming from a few numbers on the scale and my clothing size. My self-worth isn’t defined by my size; it’s defined by what I choose to do each day when I wake up and the decisions that I make. It’s defined by my actions, but more importantly, it comes from within and from my identity and who I am.

I want more than that…I need more than that, and I desire more for my daughters! I don’t ever want them to feel the pain and frustration that comes with feeling inferior because of body image issues.

So this year, I’m working on building self-confidence in myself and my daughters, and showing them just how smart, creative, caring, compassionate, and beautiful they are inside and out. I want them to see the potential in people and not their limitations. I want them to be the best versions of them and realize that true happiness and contentment comes from within.

So, for 2014 I make the following promises to myself:

• To not take myself so seriously (or as my cohort chants…Rule #6!). 
• I will continue to try new things with enthusiasm and passion. 
• If I fail at said new things, I want to do it with grace and humility. 
• I will strive for excellence and not perfection. 
• I will learn to be comfortable in my skin. 
• I will work hard to not pass on my body issues to my daughters. 
• I will look at people for who they are and look past appearances and first impressions. 
• I will recognize injustice and fight for what’s right. 
• I will accomplish my biggest goal in November 2014 and show my daughters they are never too old to do so.
• Oh ya, I'll get back to blogging.

So here’s to 2014 and all that it brings, or as Lil' Bits says…Bring it on!

Wash, Rinse and Repeat...these are the days of my life!

So December is here and Christmas is just around the corner. Looking at the calendar confirms what Scott & I feel, where did the time go? We've barely had a weekend free of events since spring and December is looking no different, but we've finally caught a glimpse of a quiet weekend in January.

There are days where I feel like I'm on fast-forward. My days are a blur as I wake up, rush around and get myself and the girls ready for the day, make sure backpacks are packed and lunch is made for Big Bit's if it's a school day. Drop the girlies off, head to work (not without a stop at Starbucks, of course!) and tackle the various projects on my plate.

After putting in a full day's work and sometimes staying late, I get home and am greeted at the door by 2 very excited and very tired little girlies. No sooner do I get in some cuddles and a quick playtime and it's dinner time, closely followed by bedtime. Then I've set out to cram a day's worth of housework into the few remaining hours I still have left in the day. Most nights I don't get to bed before 1am. Then I wash, rinse, and repeat my next day. Some days I feel like I'm living a scene from groundhog day since you can set a clock to repetition I sometimes feel.

Let's face it...I'm tired! Not to mention frazzled when I have to add the additional stress of mixing up the routine with a new task or commitment.

When I'm not busy playing the role of my life as wife and mom, I've thrown myself into my job. My biggest project for the past 9 months has been re branding the college and that's entailed everything from a new logo and promotional materials, to an entire communications overhaul and new website. That dang website has been the bain of my existence for 6 months.

Have you ever worked on something and the more you work on it, the more you feel like you've just unearthed an insane amount of additional work and it'll never get done? Well, that's what it's been like working on this website. I often referred to it as the rabbit hole, much like the one from 'Alice in Wonderland'.

This website has taught me a lot about my life too. All too often, we just take our baggage onto the next task. It's like we're in survival mode and don't purge. For me it's because I lack the time, and well, while I'm being honest and transparent, I just don't have the energy some days.

We just let everything build up and carry it with us. How much easier would it be if we dealt with our baggage while we were in the midst of it and get it cleaned up. It's so easy to think like that once you're out of the pressure but when you're in the midst of the pressure and stress, it's a daunting task to add the work of dealing with the smaller issues. Sure, they seem small and insignificant, but over time they build up and soon they are compounded into a bigger issue.

Of course, it's always easy to say what should be done when we have a case of the "coulda, shoulda, woulda's". After all, we're all perfect at finding the flaws and faults after the fact. Hindsight's 20/20 and here's the kicker. Nothing irks me more than having somebody else point out my flaws or flubs, especially when I already knew about it but was hoping nobody else did. Talk about a humbling experience.

So while everybody else is getting ready to reminisce about the year, I'm done reflecting and rolling-up my sleeves to do something about it. I just need to figure out the time to do it all in.

Gymboree Sale alert

I'm constantly asked how I find great sales and get brand name clothes for less than used prices. I really like Gap and Gymboree for kids clothes because they're durable, have minimal wash wear, a higher resale value, and can last multiple children. I literally cringe at the thought of going into Goodwill or Once Upon a Child (OUAC) and having to pay their prices for clothing when I pick up brand new clothing for the same price or less. Don't get me wrong...there's nothing wrong with buying used and I buy used all the time from various online sites when they're in like new condition and cheaper than what I would pay in the stores.

I was in OUAC last week looking for preemie clothes to buy for the girls dolls and they wanted $6 for a used sleeper?!? $7 for jeans and $12 for a Gymboree dress. Seriously, you can buy it cheaper brand new!

I sign up for the store emails and scower the Internet for online coupons. You can usually stack a coupon with a store sale, so it's double the savings at a fraction of the price.

Right now Gymboree is having a great sale and you can earn Gymbucks too; 25% off the already reduced price (including clearance and deep mark-downs) and there's always a 20% off coupon to be found. Parents magazine has one almost every other month and if you visit gymbore.com/tvoff you can sign up to receive a 20% email coupon that's good until Dec 24. You can also use that coupon to stack with the current sale as well as with the Black Friday sales taking place next week (and yes, the Canadian Gymboree stores will be having Black Friday sales).

I've scored $60 suede boots for $14, $26 gymmies for $5, and sweaters and dresses for under $10. I never pay full price for anything and like to stack a coupon on clearance items. It takes some work to figure out the sales but if you ask your local friendly sales associate they can let you know what's coming up.

Tips for scoring deals:

1. Sign up for the stores emails.
2. Keep an eye out for coupons. They can be found online, on the receipts, and given out in store.a
3. Find out the sale cycle of a store. If you know they're getting a new line in they will be marking down their current stock. Each new line forces a mark-down of previous lines. So what was full price in August would be on it's 3rd or 4th markdown around now and could be as cheap as 60%-80% off the original price.
4. Use your coupons wisely and only stack them on your "must have" items if you have to pay full price (items you think will sell out before they are marked down) but try to save them for sale prices.
5. Get to know the sales associates. They will keep you in the know and inform you of sales and new lines (which indicates markdowns).
6. Get on their call lists. Last winter I was invited to an invite-only after-hours shopping blitz. I was box diving at Gymboree and scored $150 outfits for under $10 each and that included matching socks, jeans, tops and hair accessories.

Buddy Spotting:
Buddy was on the loose again last night. He found his way to the dining room.

Candy, Fairies and Gymboree...Oh My!

I'm having one of those moments. You know the kind where you come up with an idea and it works so well you feel giddy. The girls scored an insane amount of candy during Halloween. We're talking 2 trick or treat buckets, a backpack and a wagon full of candy. Way too much for any kid let alone a 2 & 4yr old. Not to mention that hubby & I already raided the stash for our annual bounty payment of sugar and salt, so the good stuff was already gone. All that was left was a huge bag of misfit candy and rockets.

As luck would have it, Gymboree released their Fairy Wishes line recently and my girls LOVE fairies. So I told them the Candy Fairy would come while they were sleeping and replace their candy with a special treat.

Cue in the fairy clothes.

It worked and the girls were ecstatic with their candy replacement. Can I just say how happy I am that my girls love clothes and find it an acceptable replacement for candy!!!  Woot!

Now they're telling everybody their candy flew away and left the fairies behind.

I love that every time my girls see an elf they call it Buddy. Last night I was on the hunt for Gymboree's latest Christmas Gymmies. Super cute elves with matching elf slippers. The girls saw them this morning and thanked Buddy for bringing back a gift from his visit with Santa last night.

Tonight they were begging for bedtime so they could have their evening bath and put on their elf gymmies. Hey, who am I to say no to getting ready for bed at 6:30pm! They were even in bed and asleep shortly after 7pm. I'm having a blast this year with Christmas. My girlies are at such a precious age where there's so much wonder and awe and getting to experience everything through their eyes is the best part.



Speaking of Buddy...he's on the move again. Tonight he's found a spot to perch on near the main Christmas tree. Yes, my tree is up. No, I'm not insane. Yes, I said main Christmas tree as in there is more than 1 tree. I've got at least 9 trees going up this year (plus the one in my office at work) but currently only have 4 up. The rest of the trees and the garland over the doorways and on the banister will be going up this weekend, but that's another post for another day. lol

Buddy hiding on the curtain rod.

Buddy the Elf and no I couldn't come up with a better name

On a lighter note, my girls are 2 & 4 and 20 months apart. They're the best of friends and yet they can fight. Oh the noise! Christmas is just around the corner and it's time to pull out the big guns and I'm not ashamed to admit it! Sure, Hallmark has "The Elf on the Shelf" and I'll admit I was:

1. Too cheap to spend $36CDN
2. Couldn't find one within the timeframe I needed it
3. The elfish look of the Elf freaked out my oldest (I kid you not!)

So I found an Elf at my favourite Christmas store (Holland Park in Burlington) during their annual Open House and paid $9.99. Of course, it was a feat to get out the door and I had to tell the girls Santa asked me for some help and I had to do some work for Santa. Yes, a girls night-out filled with shopping, laughs and going out for dinner was on the agenda, but by George...I was on a mission for Santa!

The next morning I shared the story of Santa's special guest who came home with me and would be staying with us for the Christmas season and I was met with Oohh's and Awe's from the girls. Then Big Bit's asked me what his name was. I was at a loss. I had no idea what his name was nor had any plans of naming our house guest. Upon the 3rd question of what his name was I did what any parent does, and what I've done before...I blurted out the first name that came to mind. After all, it's how Pinky, Rosie and Brainie got their names (my girls beloved lovies and yes, my girls lovies are basically named "Pinky & the Brain"!!!).

I named our friend "Buddy" and then realized that was also the name of the main character in the Christmas movie "Elf" and hubby was quick to point that out. Oh well, at least the girls will think I named the movie version of Buddy  and that I had some pull and clout with Hollywood. So for the time I'll be the cool mom until they realize otherwise.

So Buddy the Elf has been with us for just over a week now. He's Santa's eyes and ears during the day and at night heads back to the North Pole to report to Santa. Now let me tell you...he's working like a charm. I need an Easter elf, a summer elf and basically need an all-season elf. All I have to say is "what will Buddy tell Santa" at the first sign of discord and they're back on the good-girl train.

So hubby & I are getting into the spirit of Christmas guest. Each night we're having fun moving him around the house. Last night he was hanging out in the dining room on the chandelier and tonight he's hanging around in the living room on the candle wall sconce. Hubby & I are discussing a few shenanigans that he might get into to keep it fun. Of course, I'm probably all talk and he'll be in the same spot for the rest of the Christmas season but for now I like to think I'll keep it up.

4 years later and what's changed?

Seriously, it's been almost 5yrs since I started this blog and almost 4yrs since my last entry? Dang...I need to get on the ball here. Since my last post, I had my 2nd daughter and now have 2 beautiful little girls who keep me hopping, and married to an awesome guy. I also work and I'm trying to balance it all. A lot has changed and yet much has stayed the same. That's the Coles notes version of my story. This post is sort of like reading the last page of a book before reading the book. I haven't spoiled much but given you a sneak-peak at what happens.

Where does one even begin when it comes to recapping so much. Reading my 1st post brought up a lot of raw emotions that I had forgotten about. I was in a dark place. I didn't know if I'd ever hear the precious sound of my child's voice call me Mama (nor did I know how long that would be to hear given my oldest daughter has a speech delay and is in speech therapy) and I had no idea what was ahead of me. Little did I know it wouldn't be an easy ride!

I love my life and yet I don't take it for granted. I'll do my best to fill in the gaps from the past 5yrs. The journey of infertility and recurrent miscarriages is a daunting one and not something I've ever wish on anybody. It's marked with pain, insecurity, and doubt but I'm a survivour. My journey is marked with humour and sorrow. I'm all over the place when it comes to my thoughts. I want to share a lot and yet I don't know where to begin.

So bare with me as I go through this. I can't promise that you'll like where it'll lead you but I can promise you it'll be a ride.